Conflict is a way of life. We disagree, we argue, we feel like we are going to strangle people, and we (usually) resolve it. I’m married to a South African woman – these people know how to fight. They put it all out on the table and often go for the jugular when it comes to confrontation. I’m English, my family in particular, lean towards the ‘sweep it under the rug approach.’ But ‘under that rug’ issues tend to bubble, boil and eventually explode. There needs to be a balance between approaching issues explosively and sweeping them under the rug (to explode later).
I’ve worked in staffrooms where there are various approaches to conflict resolution. I have witnessed the horrible ways that issues are addressed and also been privileged of seeing it done admirably.
One of the things that I have learnt from being married to my beautiful feisty wife is that conflict and disagreements are not just beneficial, but essential to progress. The school environment is no exception. Many interesting battles need to be fought in this amphitheater of teaching and learning in order for the best approach to be reached. Before we start I think that disagreements and passionate debating are a healthy. Education is, and should be, a highly sensitive issue, where new approaches, curriculum structure and teaching practice is debated daily. It is too important to simple accept things as they are.
But now, back to ‘conflict etiquette.’ How do we fight well:
Address issues that you have with people privately – I’m all for disagreeing with people, but there is a certain etiquette that we can to adhere to. If you have a personal gripe with someone speak to them privately.
Speak up sooner, rather than later – Try not to let things fester. I prefer to address issues quickly, get on the same page with the person and move on.
Be forgiving – We all make mistakes, we’re all human, and we all make little misjudgements at times. Sometimes it’s not worth dragging an issue out. Give people the benefit of the doubt, forgive and move on.
Publically praise – A staff meeting, a staff room or a stage planning day is not a great time to raise an issue about someone. As a rule, honour people and praise them publically. In private you can address issues in a professional manner.
Remember you are on the same team –Sometimes when we’re frustrated or when we feel misunderstood we can loose perspective. Remember that however frustrating a co-worker is you are all on the same team.
Conflict and disagreement, if handled poorly can be destructive; it can erode trust and break down relationship. Alternatively, if it is handled appropriately it can benefit everyone.
How do you handle conflict in your school?
